Chris was always Careful
by Angelayzn
Summary: Piper remembers her mistakes while raising Chris
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer, I DO Not own charmed... this is just a result of boredom.

Chris was a careful person, on everything he did. Studying, Talking, Researching, Dating, Vanquishing... everything he did was carefully planned.

He had been this way since he was a child, always taking care of the people around himself, never doing things carelessly because he knew that

at the end of the day, being careless meant hurting people.

When he was a baby, he barely cried, Piper had always worried about this aspect of her tiny baby. His soul-full green eyes always looked at her, and

she felt like he understood everything about her. And still loved her for every mistake she made.

His first birthday she had planned a huge party with all of the family, she made a huge cake, and planned everything so it would be perfect of her little

peanut... that day there was a demon attack, that although the charmed ones and Billie were able to fight off, it left the house in ruins... needless to say

the party was canceled. not one single picture was taken... Piper spent the rest of the night crying while holding her little baby.

On his second birthday, Phoebe was kidnapped by a recently resurrected Cole. The whole day was spend looking at the book of shadows, and researching on ways

on how to save her, and vanquish Cole... Piper spent the rest of the night looking at her baby sleep, promises of the next birthday being better were cemented on

her mind...

On his third birthday, Paige went into a complicated birth of her twins, the fact that she colapsed while heavily bleeding at work made all of the family unite at

the hospital, once again, all the party decorations and thoughts of it were left abandoned... Paige was moved to the ICU and they were unable to see her until the

next morning. Both twins were born after midnight... and once again Chris' birthday was left forgotten

On his fourth and fifth birthday they were attacked by demons, both of which were looking to kidnap the twice blessed... by this time Christopher was already old

enough to understand that in this family his birthday wasn't celebrated like his brother's or his cousins'.

On his sixth birthday there was a huge attack to the manor, Billie was killed while trying to save Wyatt from a energy ball...

On his Seventh Birthday, Piper promised herself that no matter what, she would throw a party for her baby, she made all the preparations, and then she found

out that her sister' would not attend, they would instead hold a memorial service for Billie... Piper never forgave them completely for this...

When he turned fourteen, Piper was almost killed by an attack that happened while Chris and Piper were alone at home.. thankfully Leo was able to orb in as soon

as Chris called... Chris spend the rest of the night hugging his mother while he cried himself to sleep..

On his twenty-firsth birthday, Piper sent Chris out, while Wyatt, Leo and herself prepared everything for his party...

at exactly 7:43PM his car was hit by a Drunk driver who ran a light, the force of the impact made his head slam into the window, the drunk driver walked away from

the accident with just a broken leg. Chris was left brain dead...

Piper recived the call at exactly 8:43PM, telling her he son had been on a car accident, he was transported to the hospital and that she should make her way over.

Piper couldnt believe it. Her son was afterall a very careful person, this must have been a mistake...

but it wasn't, and here she was taking in her son's appearence. there was bruising all over his face, scratches from the glass that had been broken. he was warm,

but it was only because of the machines that kept his body alive. And his eyes, the ones he would never open again...

And all Piper could remember was all the missing birthdays.. all the stuff they had missed because of demons, and that at the end of it all it was just so ironic that

he would die in his birthday, and for something as stupid as a drunk driver..

He was taken from her, and all she could think of was all the mistakes she had made, and all of the What Ifs...

Chris was a very careful person, he never told his mom that he remembered everything from his alternative life. The one where he had come to save Wyatt.

Chris never told his mother how he traded his life, the one he was given as a reward for saving the world. Just so that she could grow old.

Chris never told his mother that he knew he would die, and that his birthdays meant that he was just that much closer to death.

Chris never told his mother many things, because he didn't want to hurt her.. she was his everything, and as he saw the light coming closer, he knew, that

he would never trade the life that he had lived, and that the decisions that he had made had been the right ones.


	2. Chapter 2

this might not be the best second chapter, but i thought i'd give it a try, it might seem a bit incomplete, which it might be. but anyways i hope you enjoy it.

just in case though, the italic part of the story is a dream, and that is not actually Chris, but what Piper believes he would tell her, if he was able to see her.

A year

12 months

52 weeks

365 days

8766 hours

31,536,000 seconds

It didn't matter how Piper put it, the moments from that faithful day, those agonizing moments. Pain and suffering, that's all she had left, her baby, her beautiful baby boy, had died, and exactly one year had gone by since.

She didn't make it to the funeral; instead she curled up in bed holding tightly to a picture of Chris and herself, inconsolably crying and wishing for it all to be a very cruel joke. Any moment now Chris and Wyatt would throw open the door; laughing and yelling out how they had gotten her, how could she be so gullible after all they knew existed. Leo would look on from the door a slight smile on his face all the while rolling his eyes.

But it wasn't a joke. He was dead. She knew it, but she couldn't accept it.

How could life be so cruel? How could it take away this person, a selfless, kind and loving soul? Someone who once upon a lifetime had sacrificed everything in the name of family.

How could his life be this short? This bittersweet? How could they take him from her?

Millions of questions, and no answers. Millions of what ifs. What if she had gone to the store? What if she never had wanted to throw that stupid party? What if he hadn't been a witch? What if? What if? That's all she had. That and thousands of broken promises.

She had once upon a time dreamed of him following on her footsteps, a shared love of food united them. The first time she had let him help with cooking had been when he was merely five, and ever since they never stopped baking, cooking, always trying new recipes for family dinners. Piper excelled in cooking, her dishes legendary even in her own restaurant. However Chris' baking far exceeded that of his mother's. That dream however was broken a little after his 14th Birthday, he never said why he stopped, but piper could see that the mere thought of looking at a recipe could send him into a panic attack nowadays, so she let it go.

Since he was young he had been extremely gifted academically, he loved reading. He loved school. Leo and herself would spend nights trying to guess what their boys would grow up to be, at some point after Piper gave up the idea he'd be a chef, Leo started to believe that Chris would become a doctor. He would proudly remind Piper of his stellar scores in Biology, Chemistry, and his compassion and never ending patience. Piper would look at Leo's excited face, hear his speeches and agree that Chris would probably make an excellent doctor one day. By the age of 17th, Chris had declared that he was not going to college. Instead he wished to spend his time helping his charges, working in magic school, working with the magic community. This was his calling he'd say, life is too short to spend it buried in books, I'd much rather be helping people, he'd say. And like that Leo gave up his hope of Chris becoming a doctor.

When Chris was 20, he met Bianca. Piper was sure that this would be Chris' wife, so she made sure to treat her really well. After all she had had years and years to get used to the idea of her baby falling in love with a phoenix, and she knew that no matter what she said she couldn't stop them falling in love. So she waited, and waited for the moment that Chris would tell her that Bianca and he were to be married. One year after Chris and Bianca met, they broke up. Piper was left confused; this was the love of her son's life, why was he letting her go? Maybe she had cheated? Maybe she lied? But no matter how much she asked Chris, he'd just say that it hadn't been right. So that was that, and that chapter was over, and for the remanding of his life, he never dated again.

All this things ran through her mind, one year and she was nowhere near close enough to understand, why? Why? why? Why did good people, innocent people die? Why?

It was his birthday, and also the day of his death. Her family had gone to the cemetery, to visit with him, but piper, piper was doing the same thing she'd done for the past year, lay in bed and cry.

_Mom? Mom? Come on wake up…._

_Piper woke up to the sound of somebody, a familiar voice calling to her._

_She gathered her strength and opened her eyes, she was in the sunroom, the sun was shining, illuminating the room, and showing what a beautiful day it was, she looked around to find the voice that had woken her up. And there he was sitting on the piano bench, lightly touching the keys, a sad smile of his face, even in death the worry wrinkles he perpetually sported on his face still there._

_Tears gathered in her eyes._

_Are you really here? Is this a dream? Am I imagining you? She asked, all the while moving towards him. She sat beside him, and pulled him into a hug._

_Chris pulled away from Piper. His eyes sad_

_Mom do you know why people are told to move on? Why they are told not to live in suffering over the memory of their loved ones?_

_Piper shook her head, confused as to where this was going._

_It's because if you don't move on, then the person you are so desperately holding onto, that person can't move on either. They are stuck in this middle ground, wanting to move on, but not finding peace because the memories their loved ones are desperately grasping on to pull them back so strongly._

_I love you mom, but I need you to understand, it was never your fault. It wasn't anybody's fault I died. It was my choice, my choice and I lived with it. But now I just want peace. Won't you grant this for me? Won't you allow me to move on? To enjoy the peace that I never had while I was alive?_

_How can I forget you baby? Piper cried, I was supposed to protect you. And yet I sent you to your death. How can I possible, not be at fault? How can I not blame myself?_

Mrs. Halliwell, Mrs Halliwell!

Piper woke up; this time at her bed, the last image she remembered was that of Chris' sad eyes, his head slightly shaking.

Piper blinked several times, what had happened? Where was Chris? She looked on to see the face of Bianca, piper was officially confused.

Bianca, smiled at her, handing her an envelope, and without saying a word, she left Piper's bedroom, and a couple seconds later Piper heard the front door opening and then closing. Signaling Bianca's departure from the manor.

Piper opened the envelope, and took out a piece of paper. In it she recognized her beloved son's handwriting.

Dear Mom,

I asked Bianca to deliver this letter to you, knowing you; you'll need the closure that I hope this letter would bring.

There were many things, many things that I left unsaid, not for the purpose of hurting you, or protecting you. I only didn't know how to processes a lot of the things I knew.

I was born with the knowledge of the other future, the one where Wyatt was evil, and you were dead. As I grew older, the knowledge would come gradually, when I turned fourteen I knew already that I was destined to die. I knew the day, but I didn't know how it would happen. That first year was the hardest; the things that I had once loved reminded me of all the things that I would not get to do. And to top it all, I could remember that you were supposed to die that year. The details of it made me feel like I was suffocating, and the feelings, his feeling; the old Chris' feeling would follow me. Even though you didn't die, his hate for our birthday and for anything that reminded him of your death was deeply rooted in me. That was the reason I couldn't bring myself to bake anymore.

Did you know that the old Chris was going to become a doctor? He was studying pre-med when Wyatt took over. And I had a great desire to follow his footsteps, but I was already 18 and there was no way I would finish if I did start, so I gave it up. Instead I spent all my time helping the people that I could, my charges, the magical community. That was something I could do, I was going to die, but I was damned if I was going to go down without a fight.

When I met Bianca again, I loved her instantly, we were soul mates, and she was a phoenix so she did remember the other future as well, the old Bianca made sure of that when she came back to the past. We spent as much time as we possibly could, but I knew that if our paths kept going the same way as our old future selves, then she'd be destined to die. So I ended it.

Mom, please find it in yourself to live, to forgive and to forget. I never knew the peace of living without the knowledge of the old future, of my own upcoming death. But I tried my best. And I want you to try your best, not to forget, but to let go. You still have Wyatt, Dad, the aunts, please live for them, for yourself. For me.

I love you,

Chris


	3. Chapter 3

i decided to try to add another chapter in this story, the italics parts are Bianca's memories. Happy New year!

Years passed by, Piper never recovered from the pain of losing her child. Per Chris' wish she did try to move on, and as the months passed she started to feel better. The process was very slow, and for the first days after receiving Chris' letter anything that even reminded her of him could set her off. But as the days went by, little by little things seemed a little brighter. One day, before she even realized it, she was able to stand in his room, and a week after, she finally was able to start folding his clothes, packing them in boxes. Everything held some sort of memory, the blue dress shirt he used for his first date with Bianca. It was hilariously stained with red wine from when the new waiter at the restaurant accidentally spilled a glass on him. Or the pink blazer that his baby cousin had gotten him, because according to her, her mom had gotten her a similar one and she wanted to match with him. He'd been forced to wear it with her for the next year every time she wanted to go somewhere with him.

His laptop, she had bought him a grand total of five laptops, they kept getting destroyed by demon attacks. Finally he had snapped and made up a spell to protect it from demon attacks. His perfume, a gift from Bianca, which he couldn't really use. As a Child there had been many demon attacks, which meant that the manor was constantly filled with smoke from explosions. This had left Chris' respiratory system badly affected and perfumes, pollen, dust they all were possible triggers for asthma attacks.

Piper donated most of his clothes, except for a couple of sweaters that he had loved; she kept them, that and his pendant a gift from Piper herself. But efore she got rid of the rest of his things, his desk, bed, books, anything left she called Bianca.

It was a cold morning when Bianca showed up at the manor, Piper opened the door a small smile on her lips as she gestured Bianca in. she fed her muffins and coffee, and then they headed for Chris' room. Piper told Bianca that she could take anything she might want, the rest she would burn. Bianca had been surprised by Piper's word but nevertheless she took a look, it had been so long since she'd been in his room.

_Bianca remembered, she remembered every detail of their relationship. Every date, every kiss, every event funny, sad, romantic, angry. Anything and everything. She had dreamed of their wedding, which was funny because that wasn't the kind of girl she was. She was tough, a phoenix, an elite assassin. But for Chris she had wanted to leave that life behind, she had wanted to be better, for him. _

_When he told her he wanted to break up, she hadn't understood. But their relationship had always been one based on truths; he told her everything, no matter what. And she did the same. She'd know of his destiny, she argued that she'd die a million times, in a million painful ways, if it meant that she'd get even one more second with him. She begged him to allow her to walk this path with him; they've lived and died together once. Why couldn't he allow her the privilege to die with someone as brave and pure as him?_

_He had looked at her then, tears in his eyes, I'm scared, he'd whispered._

_I'm scared of death, I'm scared of falling apart, I'm scared that before my time is up, I will regret my decision and take it back. And it is because I'm scared that I need to know that my life meant something, that I did it to protect the people I love, that I wasn't being selfish. And for that to happen I need to know you're okay, that you'll be okay. Please, I know that asking this of you is a lot, but please look after them, my family, yourself… please._

_She'd known then and she knew now, he was the love of her life. And for him, she'd do anything, even if it meant breaking her own heart in the process. After the break up, she'd cried three straight days, not going out, not eating, not sleeping, and by the fourth day, she got up, wiped her tears and she started working on fixing her heart._

_When he died, she lost herself for a while, she took the most dangerous missions her clan could give her, and she forgot to feel for a while. She emerged herself in the life of an assassin once more. One day, as she was following her prey, she came across some high level demons talking about the charmed ones, since the one year anniversary of Chris' death was coming and the oldest charmed was still very much grieving it was the perfect time to catch them off guard and finally get rid of them, they said. And just like that Bianca remembered, her promised to Chris, to look after his family. So she left her prey and vanquished the high level demons. Afterwards she went home, opened her drawer and pulled out an envelope. She'd promised him, she had promised him. The time to wallow was over, she had a job to do, and she'd do it for him_.

Bianca didn't take anything from Chris' room, all she had, all she could possibly allow herself to have was his memory. She loved him, and she would always love him, but he had asked her to be okay, and she planned to be okay for him, and taking something of his would mean that she would forever hold onto him, while she knew she needed to let him go. She did however help Piper, she helped her carry all of his things to the back yard, and she helped Piper chop them all up. Allowing Piper to get rid of all the anger she held, and she helped Piper burn everything, they both cried while seeing the remaining bits of Chris' life burn away. Words weren't needed, they'd both loved him, and they'd both lost him.

After that year, things got easier, Piper could talk about Chris with other people, his pictures were visible in the manor, and his life was depicted in the book of shadows, just like that of his ancestors were. Piper saw her Son Wyatt marry, she saw him have his first child, and name him Christopher, she saw her nieces and nephews grow, not only in height but also in magic. And she enjoyed her family greatly. But every year, on that one day, she dressed in black, she wept, and she made all of his favorite foods, took flower to his grave and from her closet she took out his carefully packed sweaters, that if she closed her eyes, she could still feel his scent on them. On that day she looked for solitude, during his life she had wished for nothing more than the whole family to celebrate together, but after his death, there was only one person who she could stand to see on that day. Bianca.


End file.
